I was on my way,
until that unfortunate day,
when someone came by,
and made my heart sway.
May be it was a crush,
for the first time felt a huge rush,
always vowed to propose on meeting,
but the face silenced my upheaval to a hush.
Now years have gone by,
no doubt i made many a try,
suddenly the face got disappeared,
without seeing me cry.
It is a renaissance day today,
of the heart yet it doesn't want to stay,
it will never build castles in the air,
because again i am on my way.
well an okay work..to be frank, evolve yourself..the poem hardly makes a mark for the matter has been done to death already and it required somewhat fresh appeal..if you choose rhyming and simple language to be your style, it's cool but it should be fast,a bit longer so what you say stays..
ReplyDeleteimpre[ss]ive....
ReplyDeleteapt fr sm[1] who had a crush on a girl, fr a long span of time but didn't get her...
U have learnt a lession . Nw never run behind any angel(beautiful girl). By the way, ur poem is fantastic b'cuz it reveals the story of many youth.
ReplyDelete"VERY GOOD"
very fine work. school k dino se achha likhne lage ho.....
ReplyDeletekeep it up
Everyone have crush..rarely are dere who can convey it,u r 1 of them..
ReplyDeleteits extremely fine..n..precise..perfectly conveying ur feelings.
hreat-touching....
ReplyDeletereally it reminded me of mine CRUSH deyz....it's too much pathetic,..portraying the outcome of Crush,Infatuation & Love in the 21st century....
to b Honest,it's beyond mine comprehension level...
once again hats off to u yaar...
don't let your this skill undevelopedquals....
yarr..tis also gud ..bt incumplete sa lag rha hai ..
ReplyDeletefirst of ol..wen u r talkin abt a love story ..b moe poetic n deep,u cn use ni bautiful words ...
n one suggestion ...
u use tis rhyming pattern in all ur poems ..u cn even try sumthin differet...